escribo. amo. vivo.

I was tagged by April.

Rules:

Write about how addicted you are towards something.
Do not forget to include the percentage of addicted-ness towards that thing.
The total of percentage must reach 100%
You must tag others and continue tagging but do not forget to explain the rules. Also notify that person so they will know that they had been tagged.

I'm addicted to:
(as i understand, i can't write any specific person or experiences with specific persons, coz it has to be "something" - or did i misunderstand it?)

reading and writing 50% - without reading, i would never have learned how to write. i would never have the passion for writing. i can read and write the whole day and not be bored. don't care what i read, what i write, and i'm absolutely amazed (still) that i get paid to do something i live for.

learning languages 10% - it doesn't matter what language. well, okay, it matters. i'm not really excited to master fookien because everyone i know speaks it already. and i don't care if it makes people say i'm "mestiza" for my fookien-impaired abilities. w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r.

anything japanese 5% - but especially mangas and animes! i love their stories! they're so uncompromising! if they're writing a sweet story, you'll literally drown in its sweetness. that kind of uncompromising! and i it.

traveling 10% - it doesn't matter if it's to the same place year after year just as long as it signifies a change of surroundings. wish i had more time and money for it though. but i'm sure that will happen in the future.

anything violet 5% - dunno why. one day i just woke up, and that was it.

clothes that make me look good 5% - well, of course, it has to make me look good. why else would i buy it?

camansi 5% - it's a kind of fruit - i think. or vegetables. seeded. i dunno if it's native to the philippines. people from the province know about it and while they like the leafy parts (vegetables), they throw away the seeds and let the pigs eat it. BUT my family loves the seeds! there's a certain way to cook it, but after that...yummy!

taking pictures 5% - i didn't used to when i was a kid. and then i grew up, realized how nice it was to see your photos...the changes you've undertaken...so there.

horror movies 5% - i almost forgot about it, but thankfully didn't. it's the #1 pastime for my family.

i tag sharkbait, joanna, boogiesan, and whoever else is reading this.

if i wasn't worried about being thought of as someone who had absolutely no life that all she could do was blog (about her life), i would have written here every chance i got.

it's not that i have all the time in the world. I DON'T. i wish i had. but it's just that when i see a blank space before me, my fingers itch and i just can't help but write. i see a blank piece of paper and i can't help it. i write. that's why i have a small notebook with me all the time. to keep my impulses in check. if not for that, i'd be writing on all the white tables i see. haha.

BUT anyway, i'm doing my best to tone it down. writing here, i mean. it's hard, but anyway...i don't want to use up all my free space (in case there's a limit) with random thoughts (like what i'm doing right now).

====

i impress myself because of how open-minded and logical i can be in all situations. you could shout invectives at me, and i won't get hurt; my mind is too busy thinking up reasons why you'd act so crazily.

but i also find myself funny to death because i tend to employ my skills in logic to rationalize my faults. most of the time, i use it to make "valid" excuses (to myself) for not going to school. waste of mental effort, right? ah, well, but that's me. i don't think i'm ever going to change. i don't think i'll ever like school...unless it's an online course.

i. just. hate. going. to. school.

give me a book anytime. give me something to study and learn from, and i'll do it. but ask me to go someplace every freakin day, and i'll die. that just isn't my thing.

 

i finally figured it out.

thank you, susan e phillips. my head's screwed back right finally, thanks to your book natural born charmer. it's a must-read.

i get it now. i've been trying my best to do things their way, even if it wasn't my style. now i get it. i am just not for first-person or present-tense POVs. it just isn't me. i've learned from the third-person, enjoyed it, worked used it, and will keep doing it probably till the day i die.

i want to know what the guy's thinking. actually, no. i'm a busybody so i want to know what EVERYONE is thinking and doing in my stories. sorry, that's just me. gossip-lover down to my calcium deficient bones. 

so now, i'll be signing off to restructure forty pages' worth of scenes. toodles.  

i am sloooowly going crazy waiting for "it" to get you-know. i've got so many great ideas for new stories, but i just can't complete any of them because my INSECURITIES are hindering me from appreciating what i'm producing.

it's not writer's block. that's basically being able to write, and i can write. i can write a lot of pages. my problem's liking what i'm writing. :grr: i need to stop pressuring myself. i need to start going back to what i was before - writing for myself. i should only care about what makes me - as well as mr. grammar - happy.

it's like i intentionally joined a race when i need not do so. it's like wanting to win another trophy when i've just won one. i know i should concentrate on taking things one step at a time, but it's just so hard. i've got this crazy belief that the moment i stop writing, i'll lose whatever little talent i had in the first place and not be able to write anyfreakingmore. 

editor emailed a while ago asking what name i'd prefer to use - marian p. (my real surname) or marian t. (the name i use most of the time online because i'm paranoid about identity theft, stalkers, serial killers, et al)?

i asked allen. he said it should be mp so that's the answer i gave to my editor. actually, i would've chosen that anyway because i don't think i need a pseudonym just yet. plus, that might need additional legal papers to process, and really i don't need more delays. i just want "it" to happen so i can m-o-v-e on.

thank God i'm going to be free from online influence the whole weekend at nueva ecija. i need the break. i definitely need it. gotta find my old perspective on things. 

i feel kinda sad that ruffa and yilmaz (pinoy actress and turkish billionaire) have broken up after four years of marriage and 8 years of being together. i really liked their love story and seeing how it's ended now is kinda heartbreaking and a lil bit depressing. i write love stories with happily-ever-after endings so i really hate it when any couple breaks up. ruffa cited "cultural differences" as the culprit which is even more depressing since i'm trying to write a story of two culturally different people falling in love.

i don't like dwelling on the bad stuff. there's no point to it, is there? life's short, so why think about it? it's not like i'm ignoring them - i just move on. if i can solve it, i would. if i can't then i just wait until i can. i won't ruin my life because of it.

so if i keep on talking about how happy i am, it just means i like focusing on the happy stuff. that's not a crime, is it? i like being happy. i wish everyone around me would be happy. i wish the whole world would be happy.

===

yesterday was pretty eventful. first off - mothers day. but that was sort of eclipsed with a major event for the clan (mom's side) - it was max's birthday AND her baptismal at the same time. allen and i were honored to have been chosen as her primary sponsors / godparents. we take our roles quite seriously.

the kiddie party was held @ jollibee. we all had a blast having our "second childhoods" all over. allen's mom, shoti, and shobe attended the party, too. i'm really happy that my side and his gets along famously. you don't see that happening a lot, you know. our respective moms are not BFF, but at least they get along. i can't ask more than that, right? as for our dads - well, they haven't met each other yet. and i don't think they'd hit it off like our moms. allen's dad pretty congenial while mine's mm...reserved. it's the army's influence, methinks. hahaha

but yesterday was also 1 of the few times that we were complete - just 1 or 2 absences. galing! considering that my mom has 6 younger brothers, and all of them were present - wives and kids with them.

happy birthday max, and welcome to the christian world!

 

i don't like dwelling on the bad stuff. there's no point to it, is there? life's short, so why think about it? it's not like i'm ignoring them - i just move on. if i can solve it, i would. if i can't then i just wait until i can. i won't ruin my life because of it.

so if i keep on talking about how happy i am, it just means i like focusing on the happy stuff. that's not a crime, is it? i like being happy. i wish everyone around me would be happy. i wish the whole world would be happy.

===

yesterday was pretty eventful. first off - mothers day. but that was sort of eclipsed with a major event for the clan (mom's side) - it was max's birthday AND her baptismal at the same time. allen and i were honored to have been chosen as her primary sponsors / godparents. we take our roles quite seriously.

the kiddie party was held @ jollibee. we all had a blast having our "second childhoods" all over. allen's mom, shoti, and shobe attended the party, too. i'm really happy that my side and his gets along famously. you don't see that happening a lot, you know. our respective moms are not BFF, but at least they get along. i can't ask more than that, right? as for our dads - well, they haven't met each other yet. and i don't think they'd hit it off like our moms. allen's dad pretty congenial while mine's mm...reserved. it's the army's influence, methinks. hahaha

but yesterday was also 1 of the few times that we were complete - just 1 or 2 absences. galing! considering that my mom has 6 younger brothers, and all of them were present - wives and kids with them.

happy birthday max, and welcome to the christian world!

 

if yesterday was all about my mom's side - last thursday - may 10, 2007 - was all about my dad's side. more specifically, it was my angkong's 100th birthday. yes, you read it right - he's a century old. over the years, i kinda lost count but now i really got it right - he was born in 1907, it's now 2007 so that makes him ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD right?

unfortunately, not all of us were there. a number of peeps were absent, but anyway what mattered is that most of us came. i'm really happy that he's still fairly healthy in his age. i hope for more birthdays to come! we aren't that close - due to previous language barriers and the fact that i only get to see him a few times a year - but i do love him. so happy birthday angkong, and i truly wish that you'll feel happier and more contented with life!

====

coincidentally, it was also one of my maternal cousins' birthday - joy, to be specific. she just turned 17, but none of us was able to drop by at her house even for a lil get together coz of angkong's bday. happy bday shobe!

she's working in our shop for the summer, and i have to say - i think there are a lot of guys hanging out at our shop just to take a glance at her. hahaha

for starters, it's election day here in the philippines, but i'm one of the irresponsible filipinos who wasn't able to register for voting rights. i know. i'm ashamed of myself. i promise to register for the presidential elections.

there's one senator - pichay - who reportedly spent P109M (or his supporters did) in his campaign. sadly, surveys reveal that he wasn't doing any good. i kinda wished he'd win just for the sake of how much effort he's exerted on his campaign, but that's not a valid reason to like a senatorial candidate, right?

on some event or another, actress judy ann santos declared her intention to donate P10M to sen. kiko pangilinan's campaign. good for them both. i think they're decent people, but that's just my opinion. everything's here my opinion only so i hope no one's going to make any extreme reaction.

richard gomez and cesar montano are both doing poorly on surveys. i doubt they'd win any seats on the senate. i like them both as actors, but i really don't understand why they had to gun for senatorial seats on their initial foray to politics. i think they both would have good chances of winning IF they had started with baby steps first. think lito lapid, joey marquez, and bong revilla. why go for senate right away? i don't think they have enough qualifications to become one. and don't get me started on victor wood.

if i had the chance to vote (don't rub it in, i know i had the chance, but i blew it) - i would have voted for - 1) mrs. roco 2) chiz escudero 3) zubiri 4) kiko pangilinan 5) joker arroyo 6) manny villar (my favorite) 7) ralph recto 8) the oakwood guy (sorry, sorry, i keep forgetting his name, but never his deeds) 9) pichay (who knows if he's really okay) 10) cayetano 11) tito sotto 12) noynoy aquino.

====

but today's not all about the elections for me. today is also our 64th monthsary - we've been going out for 5 years and 4 months already. i know it's silly to stil count by months, but i like knowing that we've been together for sixty-four months already. so that's that.

we don't have anything planned for today - not because there's no sparks anymore (ha!), but...it's just a monthsary, after all. it's not a valid reason to close shop and so that's what i'm doing now - holding the fort @ byte i.t. while allen's out with his family. they're celebrating mom's day today. i was invited, but i chose to stay behind. coz i'm a virtuous girflriend, you know! haha kidding. or am i?

 

prolific, i know, but it's just because i'm feeling quite blah with my stories, but i also feel like if i don't write, my skills will become immediately rusty.

thus, i'm getting therapy from blogging. more posts later - hehe - after i watch pokemon chronicles.

seeing that most people i know here in tabulas hadn't registered as well for the elections (yay! i'm not the only one going to voters' hell hehe ) - i'm wondering if anyone here did register. hehe.

us election day is also nearing. and unlike our elections, which more or less has a local impact only, theirs sorta affect the whole world so it's in everyone's interest to know what's happening.

the only ones i'm fairly familiar with are guiliani (because he was the ny mayor during 9/11), hillary clinton (self-explanatory) and b. obama (coz he could be the 1st african-american president of the us of a).

if i had the chance to vote, i would have voted for...clinton. a lot of people may think she's stupid for staying with her hubby in spite of the lewinsky scandal, but as a catholic, i firmly believe in doing your best to resolve marital differences and never thinking of separation or divorce as a possible option. but that's just me. and i also like the fact that she never tried to conceal her pro-go-to-war-in-iraq stance even if now, any politician who had or has that stance is being crucified. she has her reasons, and i understand them even if i don't agree with all of them.

 

Here's something I wrote sometime in the year 2000. It's a short story, and I didn't really give it any title so I simply called it Taglish #1.  

 

Lately, Tom was being really nice to me. I wonder why...Baka may gusto sa akin. The thought, however weird (Tom's my best bud), still succeeded in giving me tummy butterflies with flying acrobactics degrees. After all, Tom  was kinda cute. And speaking of the devil...

 "Hi beautiful," Tom said huskily, giving me his best Casanova look. Corny but I blushed anyway.

 "Gagu!" I love cussing. Tom tries so hard to cut it off my system but...sorry, pare, ang sarap kasi magmura.

 Meanwhile, Tom was frowning in disapproval. I flashed him an unrepentant grin. "Ba't nga ba ang happy mo?" I asked so he wouldn't scold me.

 Tom brightened. "La lang. Maybe it's because I miss you coz I haven't seen you for a while."

 Hindi talaga, pare, ano nga, I wanted to ask in my most baklita voice, complete with tittering sounds. But knowing that my sarcasm would just be wasted in his Gene Kelly I'm Singing In The Rain mood, I settled for the reasonably normal, "Tangina, ano kala mo sa 'kin? Tanga?"

 Which of course, got the fireworks I was hoping for. "Jenny! Hindi maganda ang nagmumura!" Yeah yeah, yakity-yak-yak...I was too busy laughing to listen to the rest of Tom's tirade.

 "I was just fucking with you---" Another loud vehement protest. I laughed harder. After a while, I finally subsided enough to say in the best chastised voice I could muster, "I'm sorry, Tom."

 He sighed, feigning defeat. "You're not but may magagawa pa ba ko?"

 "Wala! That's why I love you so much nga eh." Hug, hug. I won't make it hard for you Tom. Take it from there. What line will he use kaya? Talaga Jenny, kasi...or maybe...Sana more than friends.

 Ah! I know na. Baka ---

 "I love you too."

 Straightforward! I like that in a man! I smiled up at him. Admittedly, I'm more excited at the notion of finally falling in love. It would be fun, experiencing love with Tom. Of course, I'm not sure that I really am in love with Tom but determinedly, I pushed the thought away.

 Tom was looking at me intensely. "Jenny..." I held my breath. "There's more pa."

 I know, Tom. I know.

 "I'm in love!" he burst out, eyes shining, cheeks glowing, smile dazzling and teeth sparkling white.

 Kaya gamit na ng Colgate!  May pang teeth whitening pa!

 Wait a minute...san galing yun?

 Shaking my head at my mental lapse, I waited for him to say more, flattered that he was acting so. When he still didn't speak, I felt obliged to ask, "With whom?" Baka kasi shy si Tom. Anyway, okay lang. It's nice to make pakipot rin naman.

 "Kay Anne."

 "Oh Tom! I love--kanino?"

 Tom gazed at me strangely. "Kay Anne, Jenny. Anne Marie Galvez? My classmate. Yung long hair--"

 "Oo. Alam ko na! PArang pina-ulit ko lang yung name, bibigyan mo na ko ng bio-data." My whole world was spinning off tangent. He was supposed to be fucking say "kay Jenny", leche!

 "Jenny. Okay ka lang?"

 Tarantado! Ano sa tingin mo? My heart will not--and I repeat, my heart will not go on after this! But knowing such words weren't enough to express the bitterness I was feeling, I resolved to give him the vilest response I could formulate. "Okay lang, Tom. Medyo na-shock lang."

 Fooled by the sweet smile, Tom proceeded to tell me more (ano ba namang buhay 'to) about the new love of his life. I will get you for this, I promised Tom silently. Handa ka lang.

 But for now, I contented myself with listeining passively to his infatuated voice under exaggerated tales of beauty and passion. Magsulat na lang kaya siya ng Sweet Dreams, I thought sourly. Then I sighed.

 As long as Anne's in the picture, I will still just be his best friend. After all, everyone knows that the moment your best friend has met his or her significant other, things would never be the same again. You will become just a best friend, and one of the many, immediately demoted to the sorry-but-si-baby-kasi-category.

 Seeing Tom's sickeningly dreamy smile, I knew that the same goes for me. I also knew, for all the vengeful feelings inside me that were clamoring to be let out, I wouldn’t and couldn’t ever hurt Tom. Best friend nga diba? It’s not his fault that he doesn’t like me. That’s the way life is.

 “…kaya, all’s fair in love and war, diba Jen?”

 Don’t I know it! Syet.

going to baclaran has always been an eye-opening experience for me, and last night was no exception. our nostrils were immediately assaulted by the unfamiliar but distinctive stench of its street marketplace - which was unusually but unsurprisingly deserted because it was tuesday. wednesdays are considered baclaran days the same way fridays are for quiapo church.

zigzagging our way to the church, i got to listen to akon and eminem sing smack that, and i suddenly thought how hypocritical we filipinos can be. rappers and artists like salbakuta, glock 9 (or something like that), and of course andrew e. are all condescendingly referred as pang-masa, as if being revered by the poor is something to be ashamed of. in other words, they're jologs. even jay-r isn't completely immune to the taint of opm hip hop and rap.

but then...if you think about it, isn't eminem just the american counterpart of andrew e? j.lo could be the same as...well, i can't think of any but i know she's the hip hop princess, and yet we all love them. more importantly, we're not ashamed of adoring them...so why feel the opposite for our very own artists?

it's sad, isn't it? i'm guilty of this as well...but only in the sense that i won't shout to the public that i like listening to their songs, but if someone asks me outright - i won't even mince words. i'll admit liking some of their songs. salbakuta's s2pid love was really good, andrew e's humanap ka ng pangit is transcendental in a way, and my favorite of all - the songs by michael v. not only is the beat excellent, his lyrics are fantastic and super hilarious as well. like the first one i noticed - sinaktan mo ang puso ko, tinadtad mo ng kutsilyo, binuhusan mo ng asido... man! the images it evoke! i'm definitely going to quote that song in one of my books. i mean really, that's how heartbreak feels, doesn't it?

but going back...i hope one day we filipinos can finally learn to have pride in our own works. it's not going to be easy, but things won't change unless we start doing something right?

i was recently overjoyed to find a forum for amateur and professional pinoy writers. i was hoping i could find people who share my love for books and writing, and i found that...in a sense. i was all excited posting replies in various topics...until i got to one thread that was in search for romance novels where you can feel "kilig" even without one kissing or sex scene.

there were some suggestions, but others were posting replies that made it obvious they thought romance novels were trash. one member went so far as to say that she "got over" romance novels long ago because it just made readers develop unrealistic expectations with relationships and equate love with sex. some sorta inferred that romance novels were like one step above porn.

i really felt bad about their words.

exactly what kind of love stories are they reading anyway? coz those i read never made me have unrealistic expectations about love. they just taught me to be understanding and forgiving - two qualities i wasn't born having but something i doubt God wouldn't be delighted if learned to practice.

also, i have NEVER EVER read a romance paperback that made you think of sex as equal to love. honestly. so really, maybe what they were reading were indeed PORN.

sex is a sacred thing for catholic / christian romance writers. as for non-religious types, sex is an EXPRESSION of love but not a definition for it.

i really don't get it why a lot of so-called "intellectual" readers think of them as trash. romance novelists have universal goals: to make people forget about their problems by laughing, crying, and falling in love together with their characters. there's always a happily ever after ending, a pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow, and i really don't think that's such a bad thing.

some people may say that happily-ever-afters aren't realistic, but hello? it's a work of fiction. it's not obliged to be 100% realistic. and we see so many bad stuff in the real world so i sincerely believe we deserve to enjoy a few moments of pure happiness within the pages of a book. reading about feel-good stories prevents us from losing hope and ambition - and those are good, right?

stephen king struggled for years feeling guilty and insecure about his work because in the earlier days, critics made him feel like he was doing something wrong and insignificant for writing horror stories that sold ABSOLUTELY WELL. in the end, he realized that he was feeling bad for nothing. he learned to care only about what he and his readers felt for his stories - and that's pleasure for having a great scare.

i'm gonna be like him, too. i'm not going to make myself feel bad anymore for people who thinks, thought, and will think that i'm wasting my life writing love stories. to hell with them. all that matters is that i'm not hurting anyone by writing stories of how two persons fall in love. with my stories, i can make myself feel good. i can make other people who read it possibly feel good as well. those are the only things that matter.

 

 

kuya cesar passed away may 17. a day after, yoyoy villame also passed away. i know this isn't any bad omen but two stars to die right after each other?

------

richard gomez is displaying exemplary sportsmanlike conduct re: how he's faring in the elections. whether it's real or not, i still commend him for it.

 

 

i've been gone only for a short while and yet it seems like it's been forever since i've been in the shop.

yesterday, we left for laguna. we were supposed to join our church for their summer outing, but the radiator cap of our hi-ace went bust so we had to postpone our plans and go directly to our uncle's house instead in sta. rosa.

there, we wanted to visit our cousin kate in particular, who's leaving on wed for the states to join her mom. it was pretty bittersweet to see their family speaking with their mom through YM. but anyway, it's important to focus on the positive side of things and since they'll migrate to the states one by one, they can still be sure of a happily ever after ending for their family.

we went swimming in their resthouse, olympus circle, and we had lots of fun playing various games in the pool.

got back around 2pm today and worked almost immediately...almost because i had to spend half an hour cleaning my inbox.  

i've thought about this a lot, and i've realized that i'm simply letting my impatience get a hold of me once again. i gotta concentrate on what i have here and now. i have to practice more and work harder. i'm really lucky for being able to have what i have now so i shouldn't take it for granted. i shouldn't set my sights too high...true, dreaming doesn't cost us anything, but getting what we want won't happen in an instant. so i'm going to take one step at a time. maybe next year...maybe even next year...i'll be able to do it...but not right now. it's simply not the right time yet.

here's a thought. all my life, all twenty-four years of it, i've mistakenly assumed that a tagalog word, generally considered disrespectable, was something else. apparently, b-a-y-a-g meant balls and not the male organ itself. i realized my mistake when my younger cousin, who's always been precocious, was telling my mom, allen, my sister, and me in one of our mcdo midnight desserts @ q. ave that men's tut-tuts always stand up when they wake up in the morning. my mom nearly spit out her sundae when he said that.

now, the next night, i repeated this information to my mom's youngest uncle by saying that guys' b-a-y-a-g did that. and my cousin told me in absolute embarrassment - in my behalf - "achi, ___ doesn't do that. those are balls." everyone laughed at my expense of course.

after that, i told my younger sister - don't worry, she's 22 already - about my mistake. i told her that the b-word wasn't actually the male's tut-tut. and she says, "it's not?" wahaha. i'm not the only one stupid here!

and a while ago, i relayed the story to another cousin, she's 17 but i'm not saying anything really bad so anyway, after telling her what happened, including my sister's reaction, she exclaims "i thought the b-word referred to the whole package!" i'm guessing she means tut-tut and balls. hahaha

all our lives, we've lived under such a misconception. my, my, what a shame!

I woke up around 6am this morning only to realize that just as I had feared, I'm having my period already. I'm thankful I guess that it didn't happen yesterday and while I was in Laguna. But it still f*cking hurt and it took me several hours to go back to sleep.

I forced myself to go to the shop because of work and okay because I wanted to see Allen as well. Seeing him makes me feel better.

Liyuan sent me a box of sushi she personally made. It didn't have any seafood in it, but it tasted good all the same. She's really sweet. I let my siblings and cousins - and of course Allen - taste it and all the sushi disappeared in ten seconds flat. Amazing! haha

I love my family. I really really love my family, in spite of all its ups and downs. I love each and every one of them - parents, siblings, cousins - even though they have the power of making me cry or hit the roof once in a while. I don't know why I'm saying this but I just feel like saying it.  

 

been tagged by yahn.

    RULES

    Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about the self. People who get tagged needs to write an entry of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts and must state this rule clearly. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.

    No tag backs.

Rule of thumb: what you see, what you read; when you leave, leave them here.
15 Facts I've Just Admitted

1. I'm very very insecure.
2. I'm very very shy. People mistake my shyness for snobbiness, but honestly (and it pains me to admit this), I'm really shy. That's why I love the Internet so much! It's so much easier to make friends here! Haha
3. My eyes tend to be watery when I hear ghost stories.
4. I'm not hygienic with my contact lenses, and that's all you're going to know about it!
5. I love to sing - using videokes especially - and I think my voice is absolutely great even my mom and uncles say it's not.
6. I really wanted to be a cheerleader in high school, but the fact that cheerleaders were so gurly troubled me a lot.
7. I wanted to be an actress when I was a kid.
8. I feel that I suck in counterstrike.
9. I have my own group account in Friendster (but I'm not a part of it).
10. I once had a crush on a guy I've never seen. We only exchanged text messages.
11. I entertained lots of fantasies of me and my ex getting back together when I saw him in CSB.
12. I am very very vain.
13. I have trouble managing my credit card use.
14. I feel very hurt when my brother says bad stuff to me.
15. I'm not as optimistic as most people believe I am, but I constantly aim to be with God's grace.

I tag: lareina, tumz, sharkbait, wandergirl, sk8, boogiesan, wendswends, janyn, kaye (since I don't know your username just yet ), and joanna 

i can barely wait for my you-know-what to get you-know-what-too (or do you? ). it's taking too much time. will it be the same if i submit something again? updates would make me feel calmer, but it's not like i can pester her everyday, can i?

it's my 2nd day today and yet it still hurts like hell. hmph. i read that scientists are looking for a way to relieve women from the act of menstruating. the writer then snidely remarked "what would they do next? have some someone else give birth to their babies, too?" or something like that. ha! i bet she's one of those lucky women who has never felt the excruciating pain of period. lemme see her experience it first and then we'll know if she still begrudges those nice scientists working on alleviating our pain. menstruation isn't a sacred process, for God's sake! it's just a cleansing bodily ritual, and i'd gladly take any pill to expedite the whole thing. bleh.

ahia weng says that trinoma - the new ayala mall right next to our beloved resident mall sm north edsa - looks way better than the block (new bldg of sm north, which kinda looks like a mini moa) and even greenbelt. i'm excited to see it. i rarely go to makati since it's too far from home, and thanks to trinoma, i don't think i'll ever have to go to makati again. hope i can drop by tonight!

i like reading gossip. it's that a sin, so be it. it's like how the female lead in susan elizabeth phillips' natural born charmer puts it - i won't buy a gossip rag, but if i see it lying around, i'll dive over for it.

larry birkhead is in another legal tussle, but this time it's not regarding his daughter with ans but rather, it's about his unpaid legal bills with his lawyer. mmm...he says he's got reasons for firing her, she says he hasn't paid her for all the work she's done on his behalf...mm...no idea of whom to believe.

an eleven year old kid rose to fame - or infamy - when he got to hunt down and kill a superpig weighing 1,051 pounds. their website received lots of negative comments...i honestly feel that children shouldn't learn to hunt. it could make them develop violent tendencies. i mean, you never know, right? and what if the kid's dad also taught him how to torture animals? that's almost always the first step to becoming a (psychotic) serial killer...

britney spears wrote a message in her website about recent events in her life. she said that she had hit rock bottom, she had to cut out lots of people in her life...and what troubled me most was when she ended it by saying "we will never really understand or figure out life completely. that's God's job. i can't wait to meet him...or her." it sounds like a creepy suicidal note.

lindsay lohan goes back to rehab. i don't blame her. but i do think her mom should start showing some more maturity, control, and responsibility over and towards her daughter.

lost's 2 hour season finale was beaten by the idol finale in the ratings game. i don't like american idol much. i'd rather watch the search for the next pcd. but i really love lost, so i hope its ratings would improve. i'm sure it would, given that their producers had allowed for a definite ending (after three more seasons) for the series.

nancy castiglione and brad turvey broke up. sayang they were such a cute couple.

maui quit from her show with moe. i really don't know much about this. someone just told me about it. anyone with more news? hehe gossip lover nga diba